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*offers no excuses*
It would be easier not to love him. Easier to simply walk away from him and the fairy-tale that he's offering on a platter that's not silver but gold. Easier, but then she's never taken the easy way out. She wants to now though, knowing that she's out of her depth and could easily drown in love, letting it suffocate her, letting it break off her jagged edges to create more jagged edges, but these would be the kind that can be smoothed over with a few sweet words, and a kiss or two.
She doesn't want that. She likes being cold, being unapproachable. She likes hearing the names they whisper behind her back: 'ice-princess', 'virgin succubus, 'psycho genius'. She likes the last one best, just like she always like the last person she's been with best. People with short-term memories often do. That's why long-distance love rarely lasts.
It would be easier not to love him. There are plenty of boys waiting in the wings, devoted, loyal, waiting in the wings for her to tire of him and return to them. They are sure that she will eventually. She thinks that she will eventually. Even before she was properly in a relationship, even before their first date and long before their first kiss, she was dreading their parting. She can't let herself get too close to him because she knows that he'll leave her eventually.
She doesn't want that. She also doesn't want him to know that she doesn't want that, so she plays it cool, smiling indifferently at his jokes, never quite looking at him and never telling him how much she wants him to stay. If she told him, he'd speak words that he thinks are true, words that she knows will be proven untrue. So she thinks, but who's to say that her thoughts are more correct than his?
It would be easier not to love him.
She doesn't want that.
She doesn't want that. She likes being cold, being unapproachable. She likes hearing the names they whisper behind her back: 'ice-princess', 'virgin succubus, 'psycho genius'. She likes the last one best, just like she always like the last person she's been with best. People with short-term memories often do. That's why long-distance love rarely lasts.
It would be easier not to love him. There are plenty of boys waiting in the wings, devoted, loyal, waiting in the wings for her to tire of him and return to them. They are sure that she will eventually. She thinks that she will eventually. Even before she was properly in a relationship, even before their first date and long before their first kiss, she was dreading their parting. She can't let herself get too close to him because she knows that he'll leave her eventually.
She doesn't want that. She also doesn't want him to know that she doesn't want that, so she plays it cool, smiling indifferently at his jokes, never quite looking at him and never telling him how much she wants him to stay. If she told him, he'd speak words that he thinks are true, words that she knows will be proven untrue. So she thinks, but who's to say that her thoughts are more correct than his?
It would be easier not to love him.
She doesn't want that.