Domestic Violence Rant, requested by ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kura_chan
Read this first.
Why did I give you the above link? Because I think that it really highlights the nature of the problem that exists. It's not only that domestic violence exists in and out of itself, but the way that it's treated. Do you know what the number one cause of death amongst pregnant women is? Murder. Usually by their husbands or boyfriends. One in four families has to deal with incest, one in four has to deal with child abuse. A woman is battered every fifteen seconds. Domestic violence is a wide-spread problem, and just because it occurs behind closed doors does not mean that it's something that should simply be ignored. Do you know what the busiest nights for womens' shelters? Christmas night and Super Bowl night, since that's when people have been drinking the most and emotions are running high.
Doesn't anyone else see something wrong with days that most people are celebrating also being the days upon which some people suffer the most?
I have an aunt who was married to an abusive man. Basically, their financial situation was getting worse, and one night, while she was sleeping, he basically came into the room and started to beat her up, completely unprovoked. He hit her, kicked her, slammed her against the wall - the next day, she took a flight out to Sri Lanka and started to sue him for divorce. My father took my aunt's husband's side, and my mother almost left him because of that. (I told her that she should have, because I would have gone with her but that's a different story). She was bruised for over a month, and her nose was broken.
Rich, poor, married, unmarried, it doesn't make a difference. Violence is violence, abuse is abuse and nothing protects you from being a victim. Maybe it won't be your family, but what about your boyfriend? Your husband? Or even if you escape, what about your friends? Chances are that they won't be so lucky. I can't think of a single friend I have who doesn't know someone who had to deal with abuse (and if you say that you don't, that's because you don't know about it, not because it didn't happen).
Quite frankly, apart from rape, domestic violence is one of the most awful crimes that I can imagine someone committing, and it always dismays me when I get reminded of how lax the penalties are for it. I rate it even higher than murder, because the victims of domestic abuse have to live with it, and at least when you're dead, you're dead and well out of it.
Domestic violence also leads to problems of dependency and self-esteem in most cases, since victims tend to be dependent on their abusers, both financially and emotionally. Having to leave them is difficult, but staying just keeps them trapped in a circle of violence. And by that, I'm thinking of adults in a relationship, not children who honestly don't have anywhere else to turn - kids that try to turn their parents in for abuse get ignored, and few children even attempt to do that.
...it's just wrong on so many levels. Domestic violence takes place in the home - the home. Your home is supposed to be a safe haven, somewhere that you can be with people that love and cherish you, somewhere safe where you can be happy. It's not supposed to be where you suffer, its privacy is not supposed to make it easier to hurt you. The people that live there are not supposed to hurt you either. They're the people that you share a shelter with, people that you care for and should care about you in return. They're either your flesh and blood, or those whom you love so closely that you wanted to make them family. You give them trust and love, and you should have that returned to you instead of receiving pain. Betrayal only works when you care about someone, and the more you care about them, the more it hurts to have them hurt you. Emotional wounds pile on physical ones, and although it's easy to tell people to get out of harmful situations, it's a lot harder to do that.
Abusers often threaten their victims to make them stay, by saying that if they leave, they'll kill their victim or target their victim's family. Often, the victim falls for such threats and stays. That's wrong though, since think about it a little - if a person is cowardly enough to take out his/her frustration on someone close to them who is unlikely to tell the police, then they wouldn't have the courage needed to actually committ murder or arson, most likely. Cowards are cowards down to the bone, and abusers fear landing in jail - that's why they target the voiceless. The shy, the young, the dependent, the trusting; all of them are prey for a strong personality and a cruel egoist.
What victims should always remember is that they are not alone; others have suffered as they have, others will be willing to help them. Please, if anyone you know is in such a situation, urge them to get out. There are shelters for people to live in while they get on their feet again and look for jobs and there are resources dedicated especially for such situations. Here are some of my favorites:
Hot Peach Pages. A globally-relevant site, it can help visitors from all around the world find a local shelter or local resources to call upon.
Aardvac. US-specific, this site covers mostly governmental issues but also explains how to deal with crime in a legal context and how to recover about it.
The Domestic Violence Handbook. Exactly what it says, and neatly organized into chapters as well.
[/rant + information session.]
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If someone's guilty, they're guilty. People pull 'cards' all the time. Racial, rape, violence - and yes, it does make things difficult on if it's true or an act... but if they're guilty, they're guilty and should be treated as such >.<
Rich, poor, married, unmarried, it doesn't make a difference. Violence is violence, abuse is abuse and nothing protects you from being a victim.
I completely agree with you here. I mean... it really is. Anyone can really be a victim to things, especially if people are always pushing it aside as if it's nothing.
I can't think of a single friend I have who doesn't know someone who had to deal with abuse
Most people I know have dealt with some sort of abuse... physical or emotional - mostly physical or both. And most of it happens to be family or relationships.
although it's easy to tell people to get out of harmful situations, it's a lot harder to do that.
It's where the 'easier said then done' comes into play... Usualy I suggest things, but I still know that most of the time the person or people involved have already thought of the best possibilities... however, I can't help but still want to do what I can - but what to do? Sometimes it's best to call someone to get help, but if there's too much to try to go against that - or even it seems laws that don't even properly punish... then what? Or if one can't call the police or something... then what? It's one of the most unfair things I've seen... being abused in any way - by family or someone you care about - and being a friend of that person or people and not sure how to help. What to do. It is harder and it's not fair...
But again, as you're ranting about it - you already know that.
What victims should always remember is that they are not alone; others have suffered as they have, others will be willing to help them. Please, if anyone you know is in such a situation, urge them to get out. There are shelters for people to live in while they get on their feet again and look for jobs and there are resources dedicated especially for such situations.
*nods* I suppose that's the best I've been able to do... I do believe for a few I even went through phone books to try to find places... And thanks for the links... something to be kept in mind. Too bad it is something that helps to be kept in mind....
Oh and my apologies ahead of time if this doesn't make sense. I noticed spelling errors that I hope I caught them all, but I know this just... grrr... so yeah >.
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And yeah, this can really suck. Really, really suck. Do you want to bookmark this entry? If I get asked to do more serious rants, I'm definitely going to toss tons of links in there to make it a little better.
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*nods* Yes.... very much so. It's... a lose/lose situation until the person can get away from it and... then hope that they can be comfortable and trust people again... so it can be good in the end for the person, but really just... not cool. Actually, I meant to say that last night, sorry. I did put this in my memories, actually. That way if my comp acts up, I won't lose the links b/c they'll be in this entry in my memories.
What type of "rants" do you prefer? Serious... lighthearted...?