fickle | Asian Pride: Why It's Hard To Have It.

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Asian Pride: Why It's Hard To Have It.

You who wear my skin so carelessly/I am not the girl you were afraid to become.

I had a convo with Savior the other day about why I'm not attracted to Sri Lankan guys and basically, it came down to the fact that I'm not fond of the Sri Lankan culture. I don't like the way that girls are treated (we might be the first country to have a female Prime Minister but the guys are still arrogant assholes), and I don't like the double standards concerning female purity versus male purity at all.

If you tell me you know a nice Sri Lankan guy, my first assumption is going to be that he's either a traditionalist on the lookout for a girl he can show off to his parents as the femme he's going to marry, or that he thinks that Westernized Sri Lankan girls are easy, shameless whores. That's rather unfair of me because really, they could be Western-raised as well and not culturally Sri Lankan, but guys get doted on so much in Sri Lankan society that I don't think they have the same impetus to distance themselves from it as girls do.

See, if you're a girl, you're supposed to wear nice clothes that don't show flesh, be polite to your elders, not swear, get good grades and never, ever disgrace the family. Boys can mess up and all that's going to happen is that people will tut, shake their heads and say that boys will boys, ane, what's a mother to do? (Ane, incidentally, is an exclaimation that can mean nearly anything since it is basically just a space-filler, but usually signifies despair. Sinhala is great for space fillers.)

Being a girl in a traditional Sinhalese family sucks. It means that when I go to Sri Lanka and stay with my father's side of the family, they take all my shorts, put them to be washed, and don't give them back until I'm about to leave. That forces me to wear long skirts in the meantime, when I hate skirts, and especially hate the cheap polyster, pleated type that's appropriate for girls of my age. If I have to wear skirts, I want them to be flouncy and playful and cotton! And preferably make my legs look good instead of covering them up.

But at the same time, being in Sri Lanka for me means that guys will stare at me. All the time. It's not like 'Oh, she's so pretty, I want to check her out' but rather, just staring like they have every right to and I'm not even human. It feels invasive and what I actually tend to be wearing is a pair of jeans that go down to my ankles and a sleeveless top. Only skin that's exposed are my arms and my face and some of my neck. It really doesn't warrant the kind of attention that I tend to get.

I tried talking to my mother and father about it in the car one day, and my father said I was just imagining it or that they were staring at me because I look Western-rich and fair (fair in the sense of lighter skin color than people who actually live in Sri Lanka and are exposed to constant sunshine). My mother agreed with me, surprisingly, and said that the daughter of a friend of hers had said something similar about Sri Lankan men making her feel threatened just by looking at her.

I really hate that.

It's my body. Sri Lanka is my country too. I have the right to walk down the streets or sit in a van without getting stared at by every passing male. I have the right to sit in a car without guys trying to talk to me from buses, and yes, a guy actually did lean out of a bus window and shout at me while I was in a car, trying to get my attention. And I was only thirteen or something at the time!

...I was even younger, maybe seven, when my mother tried to get me to go out with her in the dark so that she could buy something for her mother. I was terrified of the dark, but she said that she needed me to come with her so that she'd be safe. I went with her, but I remember clinging to her hand all the while and wondering what exactly I was supposed to do if we were attacked. I was seven and tiny. These days, I could pull out kickass self-defense skills but back then, all she did was scare me by saying that even the neighbourhood we lived in wasn't safe for a woman to walk during the night on her own.

Nothing happened, thankfully, but I still remember very clearly how I felt -- it was a combination of fear, helplessness and anger that I was directing at my mother just because I didn't know enough back then to understand that her fears were justified and that it really did help to have a small child who could at least be a witness or scream for help. I understand it now, but that's at least partly because an aunt of mine was recently attacked in broad daylight while walking home from the grocery store.

A man assaulted her, tried to pull off her gold chains and this happened right outside her house. Her family was in the house, and she was screaming, but they didn't hear her because they had the TV on. Some guys who worked as mechanics a few houses down heard the screaming and came to rescue her, chasing the guy off and then following him. A crowd of people apparently swarmed him as the two guys were yelling 'THIEF THIEF', and then they beat him up, and took him to the police station where he got beat up some more, with my aunt being told to not say she got the chain back because the police wanted to get heavy charges laid against the guy because this wasn't his first offense.

She ended up in hospital and needed surgery. She couldn't talk for ages; he had knocked her unconscious to stop her screaming and her head was bleeding.

This happened right outside her house.

The thought of ever going back to Sri Lanka terrifies me sometimes.

The district of Colombo that my father's side of the family lives in isn't as good as the distract my mother's side of the family inhabits (my father's from a lower-caste, oh noes!), but it really just re-emphasized the fact that Sri Lanka is not a good country in which to be a woman. And although there are good guys, like the two men that saved her, Sri Lankan men, overall, do nothing for me between the sexism and distrust of Westernized women.

I feel like a bad patriot. Or more accurate, I feel like a bad Asian chick but honestly, all those complaints (usually from Asian guys) about why Asian chicks prefer white guys? They're not necessarily trading up or trying to get rich quick, thanks. They might just like guys raised in a Western culture that they empathize with better than they like guys raised in a straitlaced society that they are trying to escape.

Is it possible to love your country without loving its culture? Captain America got blasted in the Civil War comics for not knowing what MySpace is, but I don't think that I need to love MySpace to love the ideals of America, even if I don't like seeing them be ignored. Sri Lankans are supposed to love cricket just because we won the World Cup back in '96, but I refused to watch it and read instead. As for Austria, I hated taking German classes and I still don't like the language.

They called it being a global citizen at the international high school that I attended but mostly, it feels like I don't belong anywhere.

My identity is fluid/I am a citizen of the Net.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Better response later, but it's nice to hear this coming from someone "not white to explain such things!" Because if I ever try to say anything (obviously not the same here, but never-the-less) it will often get shrugged off because I'm a white female and that puts it at an automatic "better off in most things" then anyone else.

But anywho, I really like that you shared this and I will (hopefully) leave a better comment on the content of this and all...

And I think it's insane that people think that you can't love your country if you dislike something about it... Though, at one point, due to how people acted, I wondered if I could be labeled as that because of my disagreements with some things about America (for example).

But yes. MySpace is mostly evil, so nya.

And, this is a lame jumbled comment, but I want to comment to you and I love you and that's all fols.

*folks.

I sneezed when I put that. Oops.

I was just checking some stuff that was being handed out to us about Asian Awareness Month, and apparently, "The 2000 US Census reported that Asian women were three times more likely to marry outside of their ethnicity than Asian men."

So there you go, Dani. There are actual stats to back up Asian chicks preferring non-Asian guys.

*hugs* And hey, thank you for the comment, Oh Sneezing One. I love the ideas that America was based on but what Bush is doing? Not so much. The Anti Gay Marriage Amendment? Not at all. The fact that guys still out earn women, dollar for dollar? Definitely not.

I can love the idea without liking the execution, kind of like how I can love the plot of a movie but think the acting acts. That doesn't make me any less unpatriotic, no matter what other people might say. If anything, I'd think that it's extra-patriotic for you to be able to remember why you love a country despite all the reasons you have for throwing your hands up and wanting to walk away.

Y'know, interesting that is... I find it interesting that a lot seem to date/marry outside of their ethnicity and it always seems to be insulting to some -- that aren't just racist. The whole "not good enough" feelings. However, an example like what you put here, isn't necessarily that just that the majority tend to (seem to) be assholes - to put it nicely and bluntly.

Yay. Stats.

*snuggles* Oh yes, the Sneezing One Is Here. LOVE ME. *ahem*

*nods* Agreed. It's not fair and it's even more annoying to see some things clash against those very thoughts in ways that are just down right stupid and ignorant. But, that's a story done ranted before xD

*nods* I do like the way you word that, madame Goddess and the constant reminder of just that.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's always, "What, our boys aren't good enough for you? SHAMELESS WHORE. Went off America and got ideas in her head. No decent man'll want her after she's been with a foreigner, he'll know she's just discarded trash. *hawks, spits on the sidewalk* But what to do? Can't teach these bloody girls anything, these days. Think they know it all!"

...I am scared at how accurately I can actually HEAR some Sri Lankan woman saying that in my head.

*loves you* You're an awesome hikari-toy with terrific Sneezing Power. Just point at my opponents and cover them in SNOT!

XD Man. That would make a great YGO card. "I now play ... GIANT BALL OF SNOT! Your monster falls sick and loses half its attack points!"

Yup! I mean, I've seen TV shows, Online Posts, Real Issues in school - and many of them have the "You're a whore!" or "You just want them for the money!" when it comes to someone either foreign or simply out of their culture - even by the tiniest amount -- you could be literally neighbouring countries that get along PERFECTLY and it could still happen. You can't help your experiences with the men there, so you shouldn't be blamed that it just so happens that you don't like y'know, gawking, rude, inconsiderate, fearful (in a sense) men? XD Who would? (To put it jokingly).

But oh... I actually heard that play out in my head... Eh. It's quite sad, it is...

My dad never implied such things as that, but he did imply (strongly) that I should be with someone white & no one else. (Go figure that every person I've ever liked - majority - has NOT been white... )

BUT ANYWHO.

And I love you, too ^-^! *twirls and bows* Oh yes, I have the best Sneezing Power. I blind and stick my opponents with snot.

.... xDDDDDDDD That's so gross and hilarious at the same time.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's always, "What, our boys aren't good enough for you? SHAMELESS WHORE. Went off America and got ideas in her head. No decent man'll want her after she's been with a foreigner, he'll know she's just discarded trash. *hawks, spits on the sidewalk* But what to do? Can't teach these bloody girls anything, these days. Think they know it all!"

Obviously they don't know you well enough making such an assumption. Append me walking up to them and asking them to leave *hugs*. That's entrapment for you. Gah *hugs tighter*.

I love you!

Wow, I spent an hour typing that out and missed you mostly. *hugs* If it helps, you can call me Asia-pacific.

Cool icon XD. Sorry for barging in.

Anti-gay Marriage amendment and a few other arguments with torture and things are not good things to believe in, but loving country over politicians and short term policy is definitely extra patriotic. Like I said below (way down), you're awesome XD. (yes, trumping even batman)

Nah, you're a Kiwi. You even have the icon to prove it!

Icon is of Jason from the Batman comics, also known as Robin II. XD

Sorry, but after I my post I saw "you're a Kiwi" and... that sent me into giggles. Because, now, I have this image of a Kiwi fruit typing at a laptop....

Imagine the bird, not the fruit :). The fruit is acutally a Chinese Gooseberry (http://www.zespri.net/chinese_gooseberry.htm), just nicknamed after the Kiwi because our climate is great for growing them. The yellow ones are really yummy too XD.

I maybe a kiwi, but I've seen us grouped with Asia quite a bit. NZ and Australia have very tight trade ties to you guys *huggles*. Maybe Asian guys should start extending respect to their women if they want to counter that statistic.

You can love the spirit of your country and hope that the good people you know there will one day become the majority. Fooling yourself into thinking that everyone is of a particular nature has helped me through allot of things. Though I find it hard to believe people can be this way, I've come to accept that it's just another form of evil. If you ever go back to Sri Lanka again and I'm with you, I'll make sure you feel safe.

I can see why you'd feel this way about your country and I'm sorry. You're come out very strong though, I honestly think you can move mountains if you put your mind to it. Wanting this to change is a matter of having enough people, influence, and communication.

A few years ago back at that school without identity, I remember asking you what you'd do if you became president/dictator of Sri Lanka. The strength of what you said was much reverse all of the above and improve things for the better. It was really moving though and it is sitting in my "most influential things said" in my memory. I really feel sorry for your Aunt though, what bastards! She must feel so insecure about going out even. No-one should have to feel like that outside their own house, it's just wrong.

The nice thing to know is that you're not going to get that where you are now. Some people stare, but it just doesn't happen so much. It's a double standard though that exists even in western culture as well, that Women are supposed to be conservative creatures. All this purity stuff and families holding their daughters back at home really didn't hit me really till I had a big chat about it with Mum at about 16. Most of my views really seem to reflect hers for now, and I really can't imagine what that must be like. If I ever have a daughter, there is no way I'd ever make her feel like she had to defend herself against the world. We got to know allot of families from all over the place when we were in the middle east too, most places showing more than your eyes or face is sinful. Mum had people calling up and offering her sex openly. We were almost rammed off the road because she was a woman (god forbid) driving a car. The only reason they stopped was because there were 2 blond haired, blue eyed boys in the fucking back seat. To me though, women are my teachers, professors, friends, peers, colleagues, they're people. I hear stories like this and I feel sick.

[GAH!!! STUPID LJ AND ITS 4300 CHAR LIMIT!!!]

You're 6+ feet tall, Matt. XDDDD I seriously doubt that anybody would dare look in your direction in case the crazy-tall foreigner rips their head off.

Though they'd probably think I was with you for the cash. Eh. And complain about all educated Sri Lankan girls going for foreigners.

People like you and me are to blame for Sri Lanka losing its racial purity! OH NOES!

And oh, really? I must have made a seriously impassioned speech, then. And yeah, the stuff with my aunt happened a few months back but I think that this is the first time that I've actually talked about it to anyone. Weird, that. I tend to be more okay about talking about stuff once it's over.

And yes, America's pretty good about this. In fact, I actually got hit on more in Austria than America -- I guess that I don't stand out here as much! And your poor mother! JEEZ. I am so, so sorry for her. Argh. O_O

*hugs* I know, that part would at least play for a sense of security. I mean, most people make assumptions because of the height.

If they do think that then it's their own damned fault they can't make their own women feel comfortable. Damn this education running amuck and giving women minds and a say on things, how dare they find someone outside of our culture to be with just doesn't go down well *huggles*. Besides, if they said that then I'd have to glare at them. I don't glare much, it usually works really well.

Yes it was, but allot of things have happened to you over the last few months. Deadlines follow deadlines, flight schedules and other things. Towards the end of last year I'm sure you'd have felt really horrible. If you do want to talk about anything though, I'll be there for you *huggles*.

I'm glad you feel comfortable where you are. I've had the opposite experience over there though. I remember you saying that and being uncomfortable about in Austria. Part of the reason I was with you on the bus was for your wonderful company, the other edge to that sword was that I knew you were alright. The locals weren't exactly very kindly to me either *hugs*.

And yeah, me too. This was years ago, and we had guards outside our building. When war was breaking out we wanted out but my Dad was more interested in the job and went to Iraq. Since then I've always thought UN have been ones to tear families apart, throwing money at the situation of resettling.

If they thought you were with me for the cash then they're shallow anyway. They'd have to lay off if I was about though, point being I want you to feel comfortable.

Damn that educational system, giving these girls minds and choice. That's about as stupid as blaming lesbians for taking all the girls away from them :P. *huggles* I'm sure you don't really care too much about Sri Lanka's racial purity, and the chances of us having kids together are about as likely as if we were about to take up religion seriously.

It wasn't seriously impassioned, you chose your words well and the arguments were clear. Rather than impassioned I'd call it honest and strong. You have good reasons for wanting change, I'm moved by your sentiments. That's one of the things I love most about you.

It might be hard to have pride for Sri Lanka, but people like you make you feel the resistance, the reluctance to conform and give in. Yet another reason why I believe in you *huggles*.

Don't worry, this was years ago and we left the country even though Dad pulled this whole "you're all abandoning me" thing. It also meant my family were freehold before I was 10, which made things certainly easier on them.

We had a New Zealand friend come to stay with us when we were over there. He came in his kiwi shorts, very short shorts that come right the way up. Mum tired to tell him to put on some pants, but he refused to because he didn't believe the culture would be any different. Apparently a whole bus load of women got out and started dancing and clapping around him. To himself, he was just a guy who came from a local farm, went to frybirg high school in Palmerston North in the middle of the Manawatu. To them, he was a practically nude western male showing off his eye candy legs.

Your identity may be fluid, but you are who you are and no-one can take that away from you. You have opinions and rights and attachments. Asian pride is more than liking the people in your country, it's wanting the well being of your country despite it's evils, its loving it for it's good. Embracing the net is a culture that evolves quickly, but has just as many flaws. Pornography and people who rip into others is a common place thing here. It's always been easier to destroy than it is to create; it's common of all people. These Asian guys who stare at women, think of them as objects and treat them as such don't have any pride or self respect. Being proud doesn't extend to these people. It's better to think of where you came from AND we're you're going. Be proud of who you are. I'll support you whatever way you go though.

I was moved by this post. I just want to say that you're awesome. Loving the values of America is easy; they've put to words most of the basic things that they expect human beings to have, amended and built on works that have defined everything they're proud about. If loving these rights is what you love about America, then I'm glad you're in a place that will let you be who you want to be without fear. I love you.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Trigger is still setup, it feels underused though. Happy Marshmallow Day! Feel like a sleepy chat about stuff? Nothing serious, all gobblety gook XD *hugs*.

...Dancing and clapping? XDD What, no disapproval? I think that I need to hear more about this story.

And Asian Pride, American Pride, Net Pride... There are jerks everywhere, Matt. On the Net, at least, there's a block button to keep them away from you and it's easier to find people with similiar interests. As for pornography, I can avoid it and anyway, I'd rather have porn ads pop up at me than have guys look at me like they're imagining me doing porn. The former is much less invasive and far less personally offensive.

*hugs you back* I don't think I can manage it. I took a sleeping pill at 6, finally, when it was clear I couldn't get to sleep on my own and only managed 3 hours with it, then spent the rest of the morning in bed, trying to fall back asleep. I'm currently inbetween classes and rather exhausted, but I love you tons and tons and always will. ♥

There was disapproval, I could say "people stared and jeered him", but its cooler to talk about the unloading bus of women; culturally there was quite a clash there.

On the net you have the block button, but in real life people are less inclined to be themselves. It takes a lot more guts to be approached in real life than it is online. Though the visual aspect is gone, I've still had to ask random peoples to go away and block them but I'd have a much easier time with them if they were face to face with me. *hugs* If I saw these guys in real life I'd call shananagons on them. Most of them are gutless anyway.

*hugs tightly* I'm glad you're trying. At some stage it might seem hopeless though, when that time comes just remember that I love you too, and that giving up on those meager 3 hours might mean you can't sleep at all. I really hope you can get your sleep back love, you're always on my mind. I love and respect you. You're the bestest ever. <333333

You know, most people have a hard time writing or saying these things that happen to them, and how they generally feel. Think I might hit that memories button and see what happens.

BTW, do you know the verse of the poem I put up? Which one it is? I'll give you a clue: I'm late for class!! XD

Jabberwocky, Lewis Carrol. Everyone knows that one! :P

Some do, some don't. I've met plenty who don't. XD *huggles*

like me, me thinks ;; *sniff*

"boys will boys" from paragraph 3.

I think you meant boys will be boys. *huggles*

I wish i knew what to say.

*pets* It's okay, this wasn't an 'OMG PITY ME I AM ASIAN' post. I just wanted to talk about what it feels like, what the culture's like and to counter all the whining about Asian chicks not dating Asian guys. So you don't really need to say anything unless you want to discuss some point or another that I raised. XD

I HAVE A RIGHT TOO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AND WANT TO SNUGGLE YOU

*dies* Okay. Snuggle away! I will never turn down snuggling. But I promise, I'm perfectly fine, I just really don't like going back to Sri Lanka, that's all. *snuggles!*

You have to remember, sweetheart, that guys /do/ leer and stare here when you're a 'hottie'. Men are men everywhere. Yes, you have a right to not get leered at walking down the street or sitting in a vehicle, but how exactly are you supposed to stop something like that? You can't exactly stop a person from undressing you with their eyes without confronting every single person that does it, and possibly kicking their ass.

It's more a matter of how men are raised to believe women are nothing but objects. It's the same in a lot of countries - Thailand, Mexico, and a few others. Point in case, your arranged marriage, and the way your father treats you like you are nothing but something owned.

And looking at it from a different perspective, I'm not so sure that your mom took you with her that night so you could protect her, but more so that if someone did think about attacking her, they'd see you and possibly turn and walk the other way. At least she did agree with you - I think sometimes, just sometimes, that your mom does at least have a little sense.

And yes, it is possible to love your country without loving it's culture. Personally, I hate the culture in the US, but I do love the country itself. More so for the beauty of the land than anything else. I do not, however, like what I see when human beings make it an ugly place - especially politicians.

The thing is, I get it very little over here. If anything, I got flirted with a lot more in Austria than in America, really and flirting isn't something that bugs me. It's the part where I'm treated like I'm just not even a person -- flirting is friendly, flattering and kind of an ego boost, and I have yet to deal with serious full-on skin-crawling which is what I get in Sri Lanka. Though it could also just be the fact that in Sri Lanka, I get that kind of reaction from all guys at once so it's really overwhelming and scary.

I know that realistically, there isn't anything that I can do about it, except try to change the culture or leave it. I hate the way my father just dismissed my very real sense of not being safe, but I was also pleasantly surprised that my mother agreed with me and was willing to speak out against my father. She normally'll do anything to avoid confrontation.

I grew up thinking that America was the coolest country in the world. I hate wondering when it got to the point that I can't say I'm American without adding the qualifer that I was raised in Europe and have a Sri Lankan passport as well.

This reminds me of what Indian relatives, girls, had said to me when I was living in Trinidad and had just turned 16. If they went to America with a parent or relative, when they came back, everyone assumed they'd done something. Because everyone knows that America makes you loose and easy and you lose your sense of identity.

The odd thing is though? They were labeled but they tended to get bothered less by guys despite this attitude because the men tended to think that girls who'd been to America would talk up and scream and tell if they tried anything. Whereas girls who stayed home (in the country) would be too ashamed to point out any molesters or people trying to take advantage.

And it wasn't just an 'Indian' thing I realized, when someone thought that I had to have had lots of sexual experiences simply because I'd spent four or five years in America. And my cultural signifiers back home are primarily Spanish!

On the plus side, I did have the fun of telling them. "You do remember my Father is 6'4, 230lbs and a lawyer, right?"

What's more similar to me though is the 'Boys will be Boys' attitude. That I understand on a much deeper and sharper level. When I was living in Trinidad with my father for about a year in my teens there were all these expectations because I was 'the daughter'. I was supposed to wash his work shirts and iron them for him, because I was 'the daughter'. I was supposed to make sure he ate first and fix his plate and drink.

"Willow, your father's thirsty." - My grandmother. "Willow your father's hungry." - My great aunt.

My male cousin lounged around having my grandmother do all his laundry, while I did my own. And if he wanted a snack, he got one made for him, wherein I had to cook or make something for myself.

My curfew was earlier. And I had to come in and tell my grandmother and great aunt what I'd been doing and who I'd been with when I came in. They got terribly upset if I just wanted to go to my room after hanging out with my friends and go straight to sleep. My male cousin? He was younger, but that didn't matter. And if all he did was grunt at them when he came home, (an hour later than me when he was 2 years younger!) that was fine.

Then there was the whole bit about what I could and couldn't wear. I couldn't look scruffy or too relaxed or too casual. Mostly because girls don't ever do anything wherein a pair of faded, slightly torn jeans are just the right sort of clothes. Of course a faded house shirt and skirt is more than fine.

The odd juxiposition of that though? Was that when my uncles showed up on the weekends after having taken my grandmother out shopping - I wasn't allowed to pick up anything heavy. I was supposed to help pack things away because I was a girl. But my male cousin is the one who had to man-handle huge sacks of rice and flour and the containers of gas - when I was the one who was actually physically stronger.

I'm not sure if it's the Indian or Lebanese or Chinese influences in my culture that has male children so doted upon and spoiled. But I loathed it. My female cousins loathed it. And heck, my cousin-in-laws loathed it. Because that devotion to the son, meant there was devotion to the mother right back and wives weren't/aren't as important.

I do hope some of that has changed and is still changing. But from things I hear around, there's still plenty of 'When are you going to find a man and get married and have some children?'.

Hah. Yeah, exactly. My mother's friends kept asking her about me, and if I'm going out with anyone, etc, etc, because they trust her to have raised me right even though I got brought up in a Western environment.

As for the boys being treated better, WORD! My aunts are actually nice to me concerning food because they know that I'm a picky eater and I'm a guest anyway, but the basic attitude is that if something needs to be done, get the girl cousins to do it. And the guys are allowed to get married to girls that they pick out but the girls just get married to whomever their parents choose.

I mean, the last wedding I attended, I was the bridesmaid to a girl who had only met her groom a month before and during that month could only see him when chaperoned. And that was supposedly liberal on her parents part because she could have theoretically turned him down!

Not to mention that because some guy had been dancing with me at the wedding reception (okay, a lot had) and then one asked for my e-mail address, my uncle got all concerned because apparently the guy was a pilot and might end up flying over to America one day. Oh noes. I am so terrified of a guy that's all the way over in ASIA.

And at least you had a curfew. My parents didn't want me going out in the night at all, if they could help it. And once, when I was in London with my mother, she was inside drinking with her friends and I hated the music and alcohol and company and said that I just wanted to go outside to take a walk and she was all, "No, it's Leicester Square, you could get kidnapped or molested!" And for fuck's sake, I've already had people try to molest me and been able to get rid of them, and it was LONDON and only about eight in the night, and if I can survive America on my own, you'd think that I could manage London.

Personally, I think she was just pissy that I didn't like either of the guys she was trying to set me up with. Boo hoo.

Seriously, screw 'When are you going to find a man and get married and have some children?'. In my life, it's 'I know this nice young man you can marry and have children with'.

ARGH.

Seriously, screw 'When are you going to find a man and get married and have some children?'. In my life, it's 'I know this nice young man you can marry and have children with'.

See in my case they're convinced that my being a lesbian is a phase. So they don't dare try the 'subtle' tact of 'I know this nice young man'. It's a bit harsher with 'When are you going to give up this rebellion and settle down. You were always the smart one, don't you know this is just a phase?!'

Luckily, I have a couple gay relatives who've gone before. And I know how to do the quiet let them talk bit. Because I know in a couple of years they'll just stop talking about. Though if they ever get 'modern', I probably won't hear the end of 'But with a sperm bank you can have children!'

That'd be a whole other fight, about why I don't want to have children and what's wrong with me.

Oh and about my curfew? My father was so bizzarely popular that I realized way after the fact that there were people keeping an eye on me for him. From cab drivers to people sleeping in the parks.

We were walking past a bar once and the bar-owner shouted out 'Hello Willow's Father' - well y'know his last name. And then told the rest of the bar how they weren't to get fresh with his daughter or niece (my cousin was also walking with us). And all the people in the bar knew him.

It was then I realized that even though I had a curfew, I was being watched. It was so fricking weird.

My parents still don't believe I'm asexual, for what it helps. Having a boyfriend probably isn't helping much with that either -- I'm sure they think that if I were in the same country with him, I'd be sleeping with him. Oy.

And yay for you having someone to clear the path. My parents don't even believe that asexuality exists, let alone anyone else that defines himself/herself as that. And I don't want kids either! I hope my parents can get that. >_> I hope.

...Wow. XD I know the Sri Lankan community kept an eye on me -- they were the ones that complained to my mother that I'd been seen hanging out with my first boyfriend, back at the stage that we were just talking. And my mother once freaked out because she came into a room and saw me sitting on Kathy's lap so that we could fit on one chair while watching anime.

*rolls eyes*

Yeah, there are odd aspects to my childhood that not too many people might understand. Heck there are some people who probably wouldn't believe all those varied experiences happened to me.

Then they meet my mother ;p

Just throwing in an O/T of I hope you're doing well.

I'm sleepy. How are you?

*snuggles* A bit sleepy myself and keeping myself busy - keeping my mind going and all.

I hope you're getting sleep, finally, love. ♥

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Asian Pride: Why It's Hard To Have It.

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